So right about now I should be in Malvern, going away for a few days, visiting family. But I’m not. So, I thought I would tell you about my day in Brighton yesterday with the family.
As you can see from the photo, it was a lovely sunny day. We were visiting my uncle who lives down there and as it was so nice we decided instead of spending thousands in the arcade we would take them to a little park area right on the beach that had its own paddling pool.
Great in theory and for the most part, it was great, there were a few little “oiks” who found it necessary to splash every child that came within a 10 metre radius but hey! Water is water and we’re all waterproof. What I do object to however, is the “Carrot-top” family that decided to descend on us after we had been there all of half an hour. Now do not get me wrong in no way at all am I “gingerist”, I like Chris Evans as much as the next person. What I object to is them finding it socially acceptable to let their 7-year-old child run about the paddling pool naked. Call me prudish if you like but, if that was me and like the usual last-minute rush you forget little Mick Hucknall’s swimming shorts, at least put his pants on him while he paddles. I’d much rather he went home commando, than me have to be subjected to a live version of wee-willie-winke running through the paddling pool…Plus it completely put me of my jumbo sized pack of mini party sausages I’d bought as my snack du jour to munch on.
So winkie-gate over we decided to drive a bit further along the coast to a little beach-front cafe for a bit of dinner. Afterwards we decided to go for one last stroll along the beach before it was time to set off home. This again gives me a chance to rant. As you will see from the picture below two swimmers decided to go for a late afternoon dip:
Now what is the problem with this I hear you ask? They have come well equipped with swimming trunks so no three-piece suite on display. Unfortunately the zoom on my blackberry being appallingly poor you are unable to see their chosen headgear . So there within lies my problem – other than my exercise-shy self thinking that you have to be completely bonkers to go swimming in the English Channel on a breezy afternoon is that you feel the need, as a man to wear a swimming hat to do it!! So basically the freezing temperature, risk of being swept out to see, hypothermia and potential jellyfish attacks don’t bother you, but, the risk of you dampening your luscious locks does?? *insert rolling-eye face here”
So my little vipers this brings me to my reason as to why I’m not in Malvern…It seems monkey boy’s beloved Audi decided to die a horrible death at 75mph, on the middle lane of the M23, somewhere near Gatwick. Luckily we managed to pull into the hard shoulder before we ground to a complete halt and scrambled down a bramble-clad bank to call the AA (thanks for paying for that mum) and await our rescue. Thankfully with 2 young children and having the world and his brother flying past us only metres away at silly-miles-per-hour we were considered a “priority” to the AA and were told we would be rescued within 45 minutes! Obviously like any concerned parent my main priority was….to check us in on facebook…ok ok maybe not the best idea when your inches away from having your femoral artery being severed by a wayward bramble, but still my thinking was maybe I’d get a bit of welcome sympathy from my unwelcome predicament.
Only some eejit (friend of monkey boy) actually LIKED my post! I’m sorry you actually like the fact that I’m stranded on the middle of a major motorway looking death head-on? Where d’ya get your kicks? Casualty?!
So long story short, the money we’ve had to fork out to resuscitate monkey boy’s beloved Audi means we have no money to go and visit my family…So I’m stuck in snobby surrey until the kids are back to school…Which can only mean one thing…(*dun dan dun*) the playground gauntlet…But more on that next time folks!
entersomethingfunnyhere 